awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
