Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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