you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
