She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
