I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
