North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
