I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
