so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
