He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
