Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
