i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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