Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
