Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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