I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
