What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
