I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
