Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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