I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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