the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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