She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
