How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
