I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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