Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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