I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
