I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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