Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize