I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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