The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize