RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
