it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
