this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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