Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
