Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
