sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
