he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
