at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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