Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
