I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sex in the backyard? Check.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
