i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize