if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
