Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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