you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize