i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, beer. Big fan.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize