a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
