he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
