So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
