god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
