I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
