So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
