The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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