the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
