Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
