Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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