I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
