Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
