when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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