Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
where am i from again
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
