White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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