ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
