you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize