may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
