I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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