I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I sprained my soul last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
